If you are a christian, you know Psalm 23. If you are not a christian; grab a bible and read it.
I have been walking in the shadow of death for 55 years. Fearing; my past demons. I was told by monsters "When someone tells you they love you, they are liar's, no one will ever love you." As a child you believe that lie, it will internalize and go with you every where.
MONSTERS are real! they are not ghouls, zombies, werewolves, or vampire's. They are people. Parents who are suppose to love you, meet your needs, encourage you, spoil you with hugs and kisses, Pray with you, take you to church, read the bible with you and tell you "You can be anything you want to be."
My monsters were vicious. They molested me, beat my mom and brother without mercy. They are real. But what I've learned is, I have been carrying around and feeding off what they did, and what I saw. Every single day of my life.
On November 22, I took over 120 1 mg. of Ativan (the trade name) Lorazepam (generic); I remember taking them, and laying down. I remember waking up to the phone and saying, "I can't believe I'm awake." It was 4:30pm. I took them at 11:00am. I should of been dead by then.
God woke me up and I called for help. Imagine Gods love and mercy for me to pull me out of the pit of my own despair and save me. I don't remember to much after that. I was told by the woman I called, that the MT's walked me to the ambulance, nearly carrying me to the ambulance. I remember looking at the thing on my finger that show's how much oxygen is going through you 69%. I remember thinking "I am on patches and it shouldn't be that low!" I was so out of it. They didn't pump my stomach because they had already absorbed into my system. I remember signing papers at the treatment facility. Everything up to four days ago was a blur.
My monster step dad and his two son's took away my childhood. My other monster is alive. and for a short time I wanted revenge. I was going to blog their names and what they did, so that their children and grand-children could see the face behind the masks they where. Romans 12:19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY." say's the Lord.
Two women from my church, ask me if I really wanted to hurt the innocent? The answer is no. I got my own children away from them and they were never harmed. They are married and have children of their own. I asked God to protect them, then left them to his wonderful care. They are happy, have wonderful spouse's. They were taken to church by their dad and step mother and were raised in love. For this I am sincerely grateful.
I am home now and rejoicing over my new walk with my Lord and Savior. Those monsters are out of my life. They maybe dead for all I know; except one which I know is alive.
I have been walking in the shadow of death for 55 years. Fearing; my past demons. I was told by monsters "When someone tells you they love you, they are liar's, no one will ever love you." As a child you believe that lie, it will internalize and go with you every where.
MONSTERS are real! they are not ghouls, zombies, werewolves, or vampire's. They are people. Parents who are suppose to love you, meet your needs, encourage you, spoil you with hugs and kisses, Pray with you, take you to church, read the bible with you and tell you "You can be anything you want to be."
My monsters were vicious. They molested me, beat my mom and brother without mercy. They are real. But what I've learned is, I have been carrying around and feeding off what they did, and what I saw. Every single day of my life.
On November 22, I took over 120 1 mg. of Ativan (the trade name) Lorazepam (generic); I remember taking them, and laying down. I remember waking up to the phone and saying, "I can't believe I'm awake." It was 4:30pm. I took them at 11:00am. I should of been dead by then.
God woke me up and I called for help. Imagine Gods love and mercy for me to pull me out of the pit of my own despair and save me. I don't remember to much after that. I was told by the woman I called, that the MT's walked me to the ambulance, nearly carrying me to the ambulance. I remember looking at the thing on my finger that show's how much oxygen is going through you 69%. I remember thinking "I am on patches and it shouldn't be that low!" I was so out of it. They didn't pump my stomach because they had already absorbed into my system. I remember signing papers at the treatment facility. Everything up to four days ago was a blur.
My monster step dad and his two son's took away my childhood. My other monster is alive. and for a short time I wanted revenge. I was going to blog their names and what they did, so that their children and grand-children could see the face behind the masks they where. Romans 12:19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY." say's the Lord.
Two women from my church, ask me if I really wanted to hurt the innocent? The answer is no. I got my own children away from them and they were never harmed. They are married and have children of their own. I asked God to protect them, then left them to his wonderful care. They are happy, have wonderful spouse's. They were taken to church by their dad and step mother and were raised in love. For this I am sincerely grateful.
I am home now and rejoicing over my new walk with my Lord and Savior. Those monsters are out of my life. They maybe dead for all I know; except one which I know is alive.
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