Back to the garbage car

I decided to go back to the garbage car and do some re-arranging. Those lovely box's needed to be moved into a better car. So I stood up and went back to the door, it opened so easily. I went inside and to my horror I saw more garbage! There it was again self pity. "Why does it come back !" I thought to my self.

An Angel of God appeared before me. He said "Terri, you must open this and go through it." "Why?" I pleaded almost in a whinny voice. He didn't answer, but picked up the box and handed it to me. Reluctantly, I took the box and sat on the floor.

As I opened it, water started flowing out. I looked at the angel; "What is this?" I asked "Your tears Terri." Those  tears are from the pain you feel inside along with all the guilt you have for everything you have done in your life." He replied

As I opened it the tears evaporated leaving all my BAD deed's. I shook my head. "Oh my look at it all." Revenge, gossip, self pride, folly, cursing, immorality, fornication, guilt and distrust, "You have to forgive yourself and let it go Terri, that is the only way, you can do nothing to change the past, just except it and let go of it." "I don't know how to let my guilt go, I have tried so may times."

"That is why you have tried to die so many times, but our Father wants you to stop this nonsense." "You are precious in His eyes." Said the angel

"Precious in his eyes?" "Yes". he said. "Then why do I feel so sad?" "Letting go of things can cause people much sadness, you have hung on to these things all your life, but now it is Jesus who you must hang on to Terri." He replied.

I stood up and started tossing, no throwing them out the door. As they left my hands, angels were singing. "Glory to God in the Highest."
It's a relief to know I have someone else to lean on, someone who understands me more than I do myself. 

My Box of LOVE

When I returned to my seat, I held close that box. For some odd reason it had become much larger and heavier than before. It wanted to be opened I could feel the longing it held to be seen/ So tenderly I unwrapped it. The first thing I was was light coming from every crack in it. Anxiously I continued to unwrap it. A blinding light came forth and in that light I found a thorn. A thorn from the crown that was placed on my saviors head. There was a tag that said; "press this thorn into your heart." I did and my whole out look on life started to change.

I saw hearts so people who where loving me with a  godly love. Names too! E.M. Dana, Betty, Myra, Charlotte, Shawn even my cat Bella was there the list went on and on I read. Then the most meaning love of love anyone could ever have Seth and Hannah my children. Even my grand-children who I have never met were loving me.

I felt a presence sit with me and looked over it was my Savior and God. He said "You need to write Dwight  a letter, or he will keep calling and come by. Be swift about it now." And he was gone. I sat the box aside and began the letter.

Cleaning out my baggage car on God's Train

Well my Father gave me a chore to do. "It's time to clean out your baggage car!" "What?" I ask. "YOUR BAGGAGE CAR." he say's sternly.  "Okay" I shuffle of to the car. The place is so full of garbage I can hardly get the door open. Then when I do this, a horrible smell hits my nose! And I can hear the gagging coming from other passagers. "She hasn't done that in a long time, if ever" I hear someone say. "Open up the big door before we all choke to death." another one yells. I sign and squeeze through the shit. Swoosh..... The door slide as if HE helped.

A few little ones fly out the door all by themselves; abuse, temper tantrums, and adultery were the tags. I turn to the worst smell of all. Self Pity. This was one huge, slimy stinking bag! I had to remove some smaller ones that had no tags and I couldn't keep them just for a peek, they were in the way. So out the door they flew.

I pulled so hard at that bag, but it wouldn't budge. So I threw out other bags to slide it out. Some the names had been erased, but out the door they went. I crawled up over self pity to get behind it. with all my leg strength I pushed that bag it moved out so fast I couldn't believe it. As it hit the ground it exploded!!! From the stench of it. Wow I couldn't believe it was so ugly.

Turning I saw names of people I had to get rid of. Neil, Lee, Marshalle, Turtle, Jim P., Sue, then my most precious Dwight. I pick it up hugging it close to me, I didn't want to let this one go; but I had to. So I gently tossed him out. Two angels few in and caught the box in mid air! In a blink of an eye they were gone. I'm not sure what that was about but began to throw out more. Family a huge box, on the side it read "No go will come from this box they have been blocked out." So out it went. Dale; now that was something to see, as soon as it hit the ground colorful women's panties flew out. Ah the memories.

I looked around the car, in the corner was addictions. Tar baby, crack, meth, alcoholism, sex, they all had to go; LSD, pills of all kinds right out the door they went.

I sat down and looked around; there were still other box's but they were nicely pilled up and wrapped! The tags said love, joy, peace, kindness, godliness, righteousness, gentleness, purity, truth, honorable, goodness, self-control and faithfulness. The car smelled like flowers blooming. It was refreshing.

I picked up the box of love and headed back to my seat. "I'm hanging on to this one for awhile." I thought to my self. I closed the door behind me.

Addiction Poem 2002

Addiction doesn't care who you are, no preference to race, it's us it Hates.
A little drink here soon kills the liver, a puff there will kill the lungs, a pill down the throat, we do them likes its a joke.
A shot in the arm brings us up or down. We're caught in a cycle that goes round and round.
Our bodies quiver for that next fix. We'll do anything even turn a trick.
When will the insanity stop, when will it end? My life is so unmanageable; there is no safety within.
God brought two men together. Bob and Bill you know the name's.
Twelve easy steps to end this pain.
No more booze, no more pills, no more needles that will surely kill.
No more pain; Just go to the meetings we can abstain.
No more pawning all my things, no more people that can feed me this evil stuff. They pretend to be friends as long as the addiction has no end.
Our families will let us finally come home, they'll trust us if we refrain from that stuff.

Forgive me Poem 2002

Forgive me Jesus for my sins.

have mercy on me and my kin.

Forgive me for the things I've said.

If it wasn't for you I'd probably be dead.

Forgive me when I run from you.

Your love for me has always been true.

Forgive me now and even more.

My heart is breaking down to the core.

Forgive me when I forget to pray.

Please give now just one more day.

A day to praise you, sing and be true.

For I am nothing without you.

LORD of day, LORD of night.

Take my life and make it right.

Forgive me when I hide in shame.

You washed me clean, and left not one stain.

My life I give you now today.

As I humbly bow my head to pray.

Victims

                                                                        Victims


Victims usually expect pain, are to willing to accept it and never learn to like it.

They either make the wrong choices in a bonding partner (where some pain is only natural) or they choose wisely and then destroy what they are fearful of loosing.

Author Unknown